About a year ago, I was in a pretty dark place. You can read more on that here. One evening I was sitting on my bed and it hit me [HARD – right in the gut] just how low my life had become and how terrible I felt about myself. It had been going on for years and spiraling out of control. I was DONE and knew something had to change. This is where my journey with self-development began. And although my journey started in a place of unworthiness, anxiety and depression, the actionable steps I’m going to share today apply to anyone wanting to change their life for the better.

So what steps did I take?   

I decided I wanted/needed to change AND was willing to put in the work.

This seems pretty obvious, but I can’t even tell you how long I was stuck in the same cycle. Part of me was convinced that was just the way life was supposed to be. The other part of me hoped it wasn’t true, but I couldn’t DARE tell anyone about my problems.

What would people think?
Would they understand?
Would they judge me for just how bad things are?
Am I the only one going through this?
My other friends don’t talk about things like this.

This cycle of thoughts went on for years as I continued to struggle.

I would sit in the emotions and emptiness and tell myself over and over again I didn’t know what to do. But the reality was I knew I needed to ask for help, but that just seemed too hard to do. It had become a painful yet comfortable habit. It was “easier” to hide the pain and act like things were ok than it was to be vulnerable and admit to someone else there was a problem. I refused to tell anyone about it for so long.

I think it personally took me hitting rock bottom for me to realize that I desperately needed to make a change. It took accepting that *I* was the only one that was going to make it happen.  Even though I knew there was a problem, I hadn’t fully accepted what it would take to change until that very night. Without the willingness to TRY and ultimately find a way to change, I was going to stay in the cycle.

Find what works for you

Whether it’s being overweight, being in a job that you don’t like, an unhappy marriage or relationship, smoking, depression, or any number of other things, they WILL NOT change unless YOU decide that it’s worth putting in the effort to make the change happen. You have to have the hard conversations with yourself, put yourself out there and accept that change is NEVER easy. It can be uncomfortable and sometimes painful. But you CAN do it if you are willing to put in the effort.

I went to therapy.

Sharing my story was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to face.

Vulnerability is hard and I resisted it with all I had for years. I knew it was going to take courage to let down my walls, but I eventually reached inside myself and let some of my story out.

I went to dinner with a new friend and instantly knew she was a kindred spirit. We could talk for hours. She was a safe person. Granted I didn’t disclose my full story at the time, it was probably something minuscule [baby steps people], but something I said sparked her to tell me that she went to therapy several years back and it really helped her.

She may not know this, but her telling me that changed my life.

There had always been this stigma in my mind against going to therapy like it was a bad thing. I feared it. Just knowing that someone had gone that route and that it was OK opened up a new possibility for me. I am so thankful to her for being willing to share that with me. Her courage and honesty inspired me.

Finding a way

I knew I had things I needed to talk through and having an unbiased, non-judgmental person available would be the perfect solution. It gave me hope that things could change.

I researched therapy options in my area and made the decision that my life and mental health was WORTH the investment. Even if it didn’t work out, I was willing to give it a try. Finding a way to make that change happen was crucial.

Going to therapy was one of the best things I have ever done for my well-being. I have learned so much about myself, healthier ways to cope with the stresses in my life, and have been able to work through lies I have been telling myself for years.

I’m not good enough.
I’m worthless.
My marriage is broken and unfixable.
Because I’m overweight, no one truly sees or loves me.

These haunting words replayed in my head every single day for years. Therapy helped me work through these things and reset my frame of mind in how I process my thoughts. It helped my husband and I understand how to communicate better. It helped me to see that *I* was holding me back from all the potential in the world to be my best self and I had to take control of my mind.

Invest in yourself

I hope that by sharing my experience with therapy will help or inspire someone else to reach out for help. Know that it’s OK and that it’s a safe option and place to work through your struggles. However, if therapy doesn’t seem like the right option for you, maybe it’s getting a fitness trainer, or going to some kind of professional training that will propel you to the next step in your career. Make an investment in yourself, whatever it may be: reach out for help, get some mentoring or training. It is nothing to be ashamed of. Own it and take advantage of opportunities to grow. Be proud that you are stepping into something that may be uncomfortable, but totally worth it.

I meditated.

Full disclosure here: just like with therapy, I really thought that meditating was bogus. I didn’t understand how sitting still and breathing deeply could be helpful. And this coming from the girl whose brain never shut down and in full on stress mode becomes rattled with worry, anxiety, and over analyzes things. You’d think a mind break would sound nice. I didn’t even know the possibilities that meditation would open for me.

I am so glad that I was willing to give it a try. There’s so much more to it than just deep breathing. It has become an everyday practice of mindfulness in my life. I use an app to do guided meditation and I love it. It’s how I start and end my day. And afternoons when I’ve had an exceptionally hard day at work, I may even add an extra session in just to calm and free my mind of stress.

This practice has been particularly helpful for me BECAUSE of my overactive brain, but it can be great for anyone who wants to open up the mind and work on being more in control of their thoughts. Plus it’s quiet peaceful time to be alone and reflect.

Where to begin

I recommend starting with a guided session on practicing gratitude. I believe that gratitude is the number one way to add more joy to your life. It’s almost impossible to not be content with your current situation if you can find the blessings and things in which to be thankful for.

There will be more on meditation to come in other posts, but if you want to give it a try now, I recommend the Calm app. It’s the one I use on a regular basis and has guided sessions as well as sessions to do on your own. It keeps track of the days and time you’ve spent meditating and has several background ambient sounds to choose from. I personally enjoy the rain shower.

I filled my mind with positive things that would help me grow.

Self-development literally became my obsession. Frankly, it still is. I mean, I started a blog about it. I completely immersed myself in things that would challenge my mindset. Meditation helped free my mind so that I could fill it up with so much goodness.

I prayed more often.

First and foremost, I made a commitment to pray after each meditation when my mind was most at peace. I noticed that my prayers began to have more purpose, direction and sincerity. My mind was more directed toward God and walking each day with Him in mind. Going to God in prayer when I was struggling with something rather than rely on my worries and anxieties was a new strategy that I learned. More and more I began to lay my worries at His feet and trust His word to guide my life.

I studied the Bible more.

I turned to the Bible to find scriptures that would help me with difficult emotions and feelings I was having. My routine was to repeat them, write them out and think on how they applied specifically to my life. More and more, God’s word was being written on my heart so that I could dwell on it rather than my own insecurities and sometimes untruthful things I believed about myself.

I read more self-development books.

I downloaded most of them on Audible so I could listen to them in the morning as I was getting ready, or at my desk at work. As with all personal reading material, I made sure to discern the advice and information against God’s truth. I was able to learn so much practical knowledge and tools to help move forward to living a mindful, whole-hearted life. More importantly, I learned that I was not alone in my struggles.

I owned and accepted where I was and created a vision of what a better life for me would look like.

Everything I experienced in this life so far shaped who I am and brought me to this very moment. It all had to mean something or I had to make meaning of it. My future was in MY hands and I was in charge of what would happen next. I realized that I was not alone in my struggles. Pain, hurt, depression and low points are not unique to me. I don’t mean that to dismiss those feelings, but instead to say that I had to understand that it was not something to be ashamed of. Just because my life wasn’t “perfect,” didn’t make me less of a person. My experiences actually made me beautiful and unique and that I could and should share them with others. More often than not, someone else was going to relate.

By owning my story and being willing to share it with others, it helped me to better connect with my family and friends and opened the door to working through the problems I was having. Instead of pushing against the vulnerability, I leaned in and with each piece of the story I told, I felt the confidence in myself grow and the healing begin to happen. Accepting my current state actually helped me to finally feel like I could put it in the past and move forward to finding a better way for my life. I was able to clear my mind and finally start visioning what my best life would look like. I was the only thing really standing in my own way.

Move forward

In order to move forward, we must accept where we currently are and stop giving ourselves a hard time for not being in the place where we think we “should” be. Clear your mind. Know that your current state is only temporary if you own it and choose to move forward. Think of the future and what you vision your best life to be. Choose every day to make it happen. Do the thing today that is going to make your life better tomorrow.

Talk to you soon,