The Journey Starts Now

If you’re wondering why I decided to start this blog or why I named it Creatively Mindful Life, you’re in the right place.

If not, either bear with me as I share how this journey all began OR feel free to skip on over to check out the full blog, my current creative projects, or what’s new going on in my life right now.

A little bit about me

I would describe my life as a work in progress. Some days feel like I need a hard hat and to throw up construction signs and other days I feel like the path is clear and the dust has settled a bit. I may actually be saying this the REST OF MY LIFE, but I’m ok with that. The journey isn’t always going to be easy and I want to continuously be growing and evolving.

With that being said, I am in no way an expert when it comes to self-development or simply making my way through life. I am, however, at this point willing to be vulnerable enough to share my story, the things I struggle with and simply the things I learn, study, and experience in hopes that someone else out there might be feeling the same or find value in it. And if I sit here with crickets chirping, I can accept that too.

The creation of CML

I have always enjoyed writing and the act of putting words to paper is quite cathartic for me. I view it as a creative and emotional outlet. Over the past year I have found the most success in practicing mindfulness throughout my day. Also, I am and will always be a creative person. I have built my career in design and love to craft and express myself through art in many forms. That’s what my blog is all about. I will share with you the things I do to move through my day with mindfulness and how I use creativity to build up my life.

Thus.. Creatively Mindful Life

It’s like it wrote itself. 🙂

I am also first and foremost a Christian woman. My actions and beliefs are driven by the divine words given by God in the Holy Scriptures. A lot of what I share with you will come with references from the Bible. I hope for this to be a place that we can encourage and lift one another up in Christ, share our struggles and find creative ways to enjoy and express ourselves.

The best starting place is to be real and completely honest with you. I told you that I was starting this with a willingness to be vulnerable. I haven’t always been and did everything in my power to resist it, but I think it’s worth it to own my story and share it.

So..let’s hit the rewind button for a moment.

October 2017

I was sitting in our bedroom after a long and painful fight with my husband. At the time, these were frequent and “normal.” We left the argument feeling hopeless, as we usually did, and believed there were no answers to our problems. I felt miserable and knew we were in an awful cycle.

The problems were not just in my relationship with my husband though. I sat there on the bed with the realization that I hated myself. I could barely look myself in the dresser mirror next to me and when I did, I hardly recognized myself. Partly because I had gained over 100 pounds in the last three years, but also because I just didn’t feel like me.

My day job was about the only good thing in my life, but even with that I didn’t feel like I had a true purpose in life anymore. It hit me like a ton of bricks. In that moment, I literally felt worthless. We had completely alienated ourselves from any friends we might have had and relationships with our family were superficial and surface level at best. If felt like we had no one to turn to. I had been depressed for years and couldn’t deal with the guilt and shame I harbored over poor decisions I made in my past. The feelings I was having and the issues my husband and I were facing seemed too much to burden a friend with. I didn’t think anyone would truly understand.

My mind was so rattled with anxiety, worry and negative self-talk. My only coping mechanisms were to stuff the pain down with food, lay in bed avoiding my life, numb it all by watching way too much TV or filling my life with so much busyness that I didn’t have time to think about it and I could hardly sleep at night.

I had been feeling so far removed from God and my relationship with him for a very long time. I was what my friend calls a “check box Christian.” I was attending services, reading my bible (some days) and occasionally praying. But it was more like checking off boxes rather than truly living in a walk with Christ.

To everyone on the outside looking in, it may have appeared that everything was OK. I wasn’t the most open person, but I was friendly. I put on a good face and a smile and was kind to every person I interacted with. I think that’s what made it even worse. No one knew there was a problem.

I have never once wanted to hurt myself or end my life, but that day made it painfully aware how something like that can happen. Thankfully deep down, I knew that this is not what God intended for my life. I knew my life meant more than what I was experiencing in that moment. I knew something had to change and I was the only one that could do something to change it.

If you have ever had similar feelings, you are not alone. It may feel like the cycle is never ending and that it doesn’t get better. But I promise it CAN get better. You can find the light in all the darkness you are feeling.

Over a year later, and after a lot of work on myself I have discovered healthier ways to deal with stress and anxiety. I have found joy, contentment and a passion for growth, self-development and living my best life.

The journey starts now…

and every day after. We must choose every day how to live our lives and make choices that will make the next day even better. You can learn more about five steps I took following that evening that completely changed my life in this blog post.

If you’re looking for ways to move creatively and mindfully through your life building a better relationship with God, then dive in, stick around a bit, and join me on this journey.