I have been hyper focused on habits lately. I become more and more aware of just how much our lives are ruled by them. I didn’t even know until recently that my anxiety, worry, overthinking and overeating were all just nasty habits I formed to deal with stress when I was much younger. I would give myself such a hard time and beat myself down because I felt like such a failure. I didn’t know how to make lasting change.

There are times now when I feel like I’m stuck in a rut, or my life just isn’t exactly going as I’d like it to. I don’t feel like I’m making any progress, I’m standing still, or sometimes even regressing in these areas. I generally find that it’s because I’m letting my habits rule my life to a point that I’m almost on autopilot.

Don’t get me wrong, habits can be a great thing! There’s no possible way for our brains to manage all the thoughts and actions we do in a day. Our brains pay attention to the patterns in our lives and save this information for later, creating less work for our minds. However, if we are not being mindful every day and intentional in our thoughts, we can allow ourselves to go through the motions without much attention to how we act and live each day. And if we have not set good patterns in place, we unfortunately form habits that are not all that great.

Thinking negatively about ourselves in response to a mistake
Staying up way too late mindlessly watching TV
Hitting snooze for the fifth time
Overthinking and worrying about endless outcomes or thinking the worst
Mindlessly grabbing that bowl of ice cream or bag of potato chips after a stressful day at work
Yelling at the kids or spouse out of frustration or anger about something that has nothing to do with them

 

The need to change

It’s always at the back of our minds, that thought that we need to make a change, but it usually doesn’t surface until after we’ve already done the action on auto pilot. Sometimes that “need to change” thought doesn’t even make it to the surface which only enforces the bad habit.

And it comes and goes in cycles. At just the right moment, [if you’re anything like me] when I’m on a high and motivated to make a change, I start analyzing ALL THE THINGS in my life that could be better. My normal process for mentally making that change list would go something like this:

  1. I need to stop watching so much TV.
  2. I need to get up when my alarm goes off… the first time.
  3. I need to sleep 8 hours a night.
  4. I need to be MORE positive MORE energetic AND MORE friendly.
  5. I need to volunteer and make meals for ALL THE PEOPLE.
  6. I need to stop drinking cokes and eating ice cream.
  7. In fact, NO SUGAR or CARBS at all.
  8. I need to drink half my weight in water.
  9. Should I do Keto or Whole 30 and what about intermittent fasting??
  10. I need to cook at home EVERY SINGLE NIGHT and take healthy lunches to work.
  11. I need to go to the gym ALL THE DAYS!

I get fired up, go to the extremes and make this ginormous list of items that I feel I need to change all at once to see results. ” I CAN TOTALLY DO THIS,” I say. I’m fired up for maybe a week and then all of a sudden I feel exhausted from fighting all the bad habits and start slipping up. After each little thing I “mess up,” I give myself a hard time and give up because well… forming new healthier habits is HARD. Then I’m devastated that once again I let myself down, I’m back to square one again and feeling even worse. At that point, I generally just give up for a while until the cycle starts again.

 

Making lasting change

What I’ve learned the hard way is that bad habits never actually go away. They’ll always be there. We just have to learn how to replace the bad with new habits that have similar or better rewards. For instance, maybe grabbing that bowl of ice cream after a stressful day lets off a little dopamine in your brain and temporarily comforts you. After several times of doing this, your brain automatically starts to remember and crave that dopamine when you’re stressed and you’ve taught it that ice cream gives you that. This is when we need to learn to substitute the ice cream for a healthier activity that releases dopamine in the brain such as an exercise you enjoy, creating, or even meditating. This same concept can be applied to any habit and reward. And I get it, that sounds much easier than it really is, but being aware of it is honestly half the battle. And if you give yourself time to adjust and learn, you can make lasting change.

The second part of this is that analyzing every single bad habit and trying to change them all at once is a disastrous idea. It rarely ever works. We need to give ourselves some grace and know that change is hard and will take time. That’s a difficult concept to grasp. I know *I* want instant gratification and instant results. In a world with Amazon Prime, who wouldn’t want the perfect waistline after two days of eating healthy? However, if we sit down and think about the one key habit that we could change, you will be surprised at the affect it will have on your life. What one habit could you change that would directly impact your day in a big way? It doesn’t even have to be the biggest item on your list.

 

My one thing

If I picked one from my list above, it would be to get up when my alarm goes off. I have NEVER been a morning person and no matter what time I go to bed, I still hit snooze at least 5 times.

This is the ONE habit I’m going to focus on for right now. I think narrowing down the list to just one thing will allow me to master that one habit and probably much quicker than if I were trying to do the entire list of 15+ things all at once. And believe it or not, this one habit is probably going to help enforce several other things I want to work on anyhow. That’s what makes it a key habit. But my brain won’t be focusing on those, it will simply be a victory when I do the ONE thing I’m promising to myself I’ll do.

My alarm is going to be set for 5 a.m. and I will get up. No hitting snooze.

And because of that, I will be able to make it to my gym class in the morning.

And because I worked out, I will be more energetic and more likely to make better choices in eating throughout the day.

And because I’ve already accomplished the ONE thing that I set my mind out to do and kept a promise to myself, I’ll most likely be more positive and confident which will result in me being more open and friendly to those around me.

You get the idea.

 

Small changes can produce BIG results

We tend to overwhelm and be over critical of ourselves. Don’t give yourself a hard time for starting small when it comes to changes in your life. Small things accumulate and add up to big results and lasting change. Allow your mind to focus and be determined to master ONE thing that can make a big impact. If you slip up by relying on that old habit, forgive yourself, pick yourself back up and try again.

What ONE habit are you going to start working on and how will it impact your day? I’d love to hear from you! Send me an email, tag me on social @creativelymindfullife, or leave me a comment below!