So I recently talked a little bit about our trip to Italy. I’m sure there will be more on that soon, but I started off by saying how October was an incredibly fulfilling and awesome month for me. There were so many things in which to be thankful for. This is part two of that post. The other “newsworthy” item that happened took place within my professional life.
In August of this year, I walked into a meeting at work to talk about the application process to get into a leadership program at my workplace. My boss is a mentor for this program and has talked about it for years. It always seemed like a lofty goal to get in and I put it on a pedestal in my mind as if it was something for everyone else but me.
I wanted it, but I shied away from it because it seemed hard and totally out of my comfort zone. I was afraid. For two, maybe even three years when the recruitment process came around I came up with some kind of excuse as to why I couldn’t do it.
I’m never going to get in.
Obviously I’m not who they’re looking for.
I’m not good enough yet.
Everyone else in the program is older and more experienced than me.
About a week or two before the meeting, our entire team went out to lunch and the topic of the leadership program came up in conversation. My boss again asked me if I was interested. This time I didn’t feel like I had an excuse to say no. I hesitated with my answer but eventually decided to be honest about the fact that I wanted it, but was having a mental battle with myself. I am so thankful for him and the responses I received from the rest of my team. They’re all so incredibly encouraging. They all told me I had a real chance of getting in and that I should go for it.
Even still, I was hesitant to fully commit, but I told him I would do some serious thinking about it. Over the course of the next week, I went back and forth on what my final answer would be. I made a pro and con list. I’m sure you’re not all that surprised that the pro list by far outnumbered the cons.
The only items staring back at me from the con list were things I wrote out of fear:
- You will have to do some hard things out of your comfort zone
- You risk embarrassment if you fail
I had given fear the reigns FOR YEARS to dictate what I was going to try and accomplish. I let it hold me back and make myself think that I wasn’t good enough for this dream I had. Right then and there I knew I HAD to do the thing. I had to do it scared and uncomfortable and it would be worth the risk.
Deep down I knew it wasn’t about actually failing, but what I feared other people would think of me if I failed (my people pleasing side coming out). However, I knew if I didn’t reach for what I wanted, it would never be in my grasp. I knew I would never grow, get better and accomplish great things in life if I sat back and watched opportunities go by. It was time to take the leap, get out of my own way, and give it my best try.
So I sat in that first meeting scared. I listened and looked down at the pretty lengthy list of application requirements to get in with anxiety. I felt the pressure as I realized I would be putting myself out there in front off all the executive team members at work. I realized I would have to do things I’ve never done before. BUT at the end of the meeting when we were asked who was interested, my hand almost shot up involuntarily. I proudly signed my name to the list. I did it without hesitation. I can’t decide if it was because I knew I needed to make the decision before I could back out or because I had finally convinced myself that I could use my fear to propel me forward.
In each step of the process, I’d like to say I was calm, cool and collected, but that would be a lie. I was an anxious ball of nerves, at least in the beginning. During the next two months, I worked on each submission piece leading up to the final presentation in front of the senior executive team. The first step was a letter of intent and I think I read that thing over 100 times before I submitted it. But after each item I turned in for review, I became more confident that I could do this. It felt almost impossible in the beginning, but here I was doing it!
There was no way of knowing how well you’re doing, or how you’re stacked up against the other applicants. You just had to press forward and give it your all. And that’s exactly what I did. It might have been better that way simply because I could worry about the task at hand and not the comparison to everyone else. That’s how it should be anyway. We are only responsible for ourselves and the effort you put into making your dreams a reality. Right??
The day before the big presentation, I gave myself a pep talk.
Your self worth and your value are not dependent on whether or not you make it into this program.
You are just as capable as all the other applicants.
You have worked hard for this.
The end, the mountain top, the finish line is only one final leap forward.
You can do anything you set your mind to.
I walked into that lecture hall ready. I can’t say that I was completely calm, but it was the type of nervous energy that gets you excited about what’s about to happen. And that’s just it…
I wanted to see what would happen if for once in my life, I LET GO of all the what ifs and the worries about what other people think and was just purely myself in front of them – a little anxious but brave enough to be out of my element and completely vulnerable.
It was an awesome experience! As I walked out of the room, I almost didn’t even care if I made it into the program or not. The victory of finally feeling what it was like to get out of my own way was incredible! Don’t get me wrong… I still wanted it, but I already felt like I had grown in leaps and bounds.
An hour later, I left for our trip to Italy. I didn’t think I would hear the results of the applications until after I got back. But as J and I were driving, my phone rang. It was THE CALL.
And that’s where we conclude until next time…
Just Kidding.
I GOT IN!!! The phone conversation is actually kind of a blur at the moment. I was all wrapped up in excitement that we were on our way to our dream vacation and then this added to it. I was almost embarrassingly ecstatic.
I couldn’t believe it. This goal I’d had for years was a reality. I had been chosen. It was one more incident where I could put away those negative, self-limiting thoughts and realize that I CAN achieve what I set out to do. I know that not every goal I have will turn out this way. But, back when my boss asked me if I was interested, I could have pushed him away once again and kept on walking by the opportunity. Instead, I opened up, accepted that fear within me and decided that it was OKAY to fear it as long as I didn’t let me control me.
If I were to pull lessons from this incident, I would say:
Don’t let fear hold you back.
Dream big.
Don’t let what you think other people will do or say limit your goals.
Go for it.
Take a moment to enjoy your accomplishments.
Don’t forget to give God the glory and praise for the blessings in your life.
